Friendly Farmer Fern


One humid day nestled in the cacti hills of Texas lay a newborn baby girl named Fern Maple, and all her angry brothers. Her mother picked her up from her crib. Fern reached out her hand and grabbed her mother’s pearl necklace. “Oh pretty colors, mine!” Fern cried ripping it of her neck.

Her parents were astonished. “My heavens” cried her mother and fainted.

After breakfast as her mother became conscious Fern made lunch.  She took an egg out of the refrigerator and smashed it. Her brothers were amazed that Fern had made a wonderful lunch of scrambled eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches.

When Fern was seven she was named world record cake maker for making a six foot tall cake in less than thirty seconds.

Then as Fern turned nine she could write a ten paragraph essay in fifteen minutes without spelling a single word wrong.

When Fern turned ten her brothers introduced her to the family cow, Minnie. But Minnie was not at all a regular cow .She was half bull, half ox.

“Let’s see how fast it takes you to rope her without being killed” her brothers laughed slapping there knees.

Fern wasn’t one bit scared; she hopped the fence and threw the rope around the cow. She turned to her brothers and gloated. Her brothers laughed as Minnie came charging like a cheetah, all three tons of her brick body at Fern.

Poor Fern jumped the fence so fast the cow had thought that Fern disappeared. Fern walked of in embarrassment but her brothers didn’t .They laughed and giggled never stopping for air.

Ten years later when red leafs fell from the trees she grabbed her pitch fork and went into the stable. Minnie stode in her stable eating rotten hay and dirty water, she snorted her nose (Which had a ring around it) and gave her an outrageous look. Minnie walked to the hoof pick station .She seemed to relax as her brothers gathered around her. Fern bent over to pick something up and wham! Her brothers wiped the cow.

Minnie’s eyes turned red like fire. She kicked and stepped on Fern but Fern couldn’t resist, she took her hand and lifted the cow straight in the air. Fern walked out from underneath the cow and dropped Minnie on her brothers, who were still laughing there heads of! An hour later her brothers arrived with chewed up faces and bruises from head to toe.

  “Well you fellows look worse than a tired turtle on a hot summer day after a race.” Fern said gloating.

        The next day her brothers challenged her to a bull riding competition. Minnie was her cow, but Fern wasn’t so happy about this although that was the competition. When the gates opened Minnie jumped like a grasshopper, twirling her legs in the air like carousal.

         Twenty –five minutes later Fern had won, she didn’t dare let Minnie throw her of   but she couldn’t say that for her brothers who had broken arms and legs.

        “Lord heavens, look at you filthy things.” Mama Maple cried.

        When Fern was thirty she set of to the country looking for a better home, finally she came upon a bar named the “Bax Ghost”. Loud screams and breaking glass sounds came from the bar. She stepped inside to see Minnie herself wrestling a cowboy. Fern watched for a minute and then stepped up to the stand. She threw her leg over the cow and pressed her spurs into her side.

        Minnie threw Fern of but suddenly that day in the barn came back to her. Fern took her hand and lifted the cow up. She spun the cow like a pin wheel and let go. Minnie went flying out of the bar. A man in a red suit took of his hat, it was her oldest brother and the others were her other brothers. For the rest of the week the family ate hamburgers and sang cowboy songs for dinner.